A Letter on Consistent Passion in Relationships?

On Twitter, I do these theme weeks that simply raise a question and let people vote. Now, I don’t have so many followers, but has a challenge such as few followers ever discouraged me? No. The hardest part of a journey is the start, right? So, if you are on twitter, go follow me! Especially if you want your TL spiked with mental health threads, feminist declarations, sporadic sex posts, unplanned flirtations that go hay-wire etc

So, this week, the question was:

I find it interesting that these kinds of questions lead to inbox messages. As though people want to share, but not in public. Though, am a stranger.

A man sent an inbox message:

“Hi Linnie,” (my Twitter handle is @LinniewaGC)

“Hi Linnie, I for one would never develop any consistent habits with someone I am not passionate about! The beginning of me wanting to be consistent or stable with a woman is passion. The second thing is passion, this time not sexual passion, but rather passion for her life, projects etc. The third thing is passion! Passion will make a woman give more and demand more of me – which will set the stage for me to be more. To be challenged to grow is the best reason to be any kind of consistent.

Some guy I know married a girl because she was calm – wifely. Within seven months, he was cheating. He was bored. The whole marriage was built on consistent habits and routines and she got pregnant immediately which made it even more routine. I swore it would not happen to me!

Imagine, relationships are like a business Linnie! You start a business you are not passionate about, it will not sustain your interest for long. Even if you make money, at some point you will give it up. If you are passionate about it, you will build on it your entire life. An empire.

So, for me, it is passion that builds the consistency. But people will misinterpret this to mean they can settle with someone just because there is passion! Because some people wake up every morning looking for something to confirm or affirm their wrong choices. Not true! Passion is like the first test. And then you move on with other check-points to make sure hat you have:

  • shared values
  • relatable beliefs
  • compatible communication patterns

etc Additionally, passion has to be consistent and sustainable for it to be meaningful in a long-term relationship. Too hot a fire burns itself out, and with it, the surroundings. Too cool a fire leaves everybody and everything wanting more.

Do I make sense? Apologies for long winding text!”

So this guy wrote me a letter! It was fun to read and I asked him if I can share it here. He said yes, anonymously.

What do you think about Passion vs Consistency in long-term relationships?

Next week, we continue with our posts about Personality Disorders. It will be all about Borderline personality disorder (BPD).

Thanks for your patience!

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